I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
