I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize