She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
