Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
