Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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