this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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