Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
