I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
