Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
