Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
