Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
