You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
