her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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