It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
