I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
