How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
