i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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