just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
