Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
