it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This toilet bowl is my home.
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