Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
