normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
