my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
