Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
