i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
