Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
