He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
