Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
