I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
