just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
