i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
