he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
