oh god the rape fog is back!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
