you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
