All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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