I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
