I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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