so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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