i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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