I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
