I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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