Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
