Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
