ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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