U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize