the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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