Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
