So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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