So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
