What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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