Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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