Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
