Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
