just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize