I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
