no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
