At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
