Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
