I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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