Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
