I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
