oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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