Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
