You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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