She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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