i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
